DANGEROUS! YOU MAY DIE!!!
I came home from work today to see a strange Amazonian package on my door step. At that moment in time the earth stood still and I had an epiphany filled with illusions of grandeur. I knew the time had come, and it was the beginning of the end of life as I knew it. I always knew my life was meant for great things, and this was the moment of truth in
which I would evolve into a grand stallion. When I became one with the mask, I could feel the earth's wrath. A magnitude 10.0 earthquake shook the ground in all directions. I saw 4 white headless horsemen coming at me from one direction, and from another corner I saw a fire breathing Chupacabra. A ManBearPig fell from the sky and also joined the hunt with these vicious assassins. I tried to escape galloping as fast as I could, but I could only see the impending doom which awaited me. I tripped over a golden gnome and fell down a steep cliff creating a rock slide. I knew my time was up and I was getting ready to die. As I was preparing to die, I realized that I just fell down 300 feet of rocks and I am still alive. Perhaps the gods have granted the horse
mask bearer with immortality? As I lay unconscious in the pile of rocks, I saw some sort of horse hybrid women with the head of a horse and the body of a women. She said her name was Sarah Jessica Parker and the gods have sent her to retrieve the Holy Grail in order to prevent the apocalypse. I told her I can help as long as she keeps me safe from the beasts which where after me. The Chupacabra appeared behind me and asked “what beast?” (Apparently they have good hearing and are easily offended.) The four white headless horsemen surrounded me and said. “Ayye foo, where you get dat mask yo?” I told them I ordered it online on Amazon and offered to help them order one in exchange for my life. I pulled out my Htc Evo cell phone and clicked on the Amazon
app. Unfortunately Sprint never has service anywhere and the white headless horsemen started to get impatient. Fortunately for me, the Chupacabra had a Iphone 4s with Verizon and he had full bars. I was able to order one for everyone with free Amazon prime 2 day shipping. They said they will be back for my soul if the orders don't arrive. If you never hear from me again you will know why. Just when I thought I was safe the horse hybrid women Sarah Jessica Parker mugged me and took my head and exclaimed “immortality is mine.” I warned her about the dangers of the mask and apparently the gods agreed with my risk assessment because she was struck by lightning and died forever united with the mask. Her body was never recovered.